Friday, October 29, 2010

Punkin' Heads

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The few times that I've actually carved a pumpkin, I was lucky if I got the standard triangle eyes and crooked smile finished before I quickly warshed the stinky pumpkin guts off of my hands and called it a night (like the one near Betty).

However, some kids get a bit more creative with their Ginsu knives...

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Show-offs.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Do I smell Cheetos?

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Every once in a while, Ellen puts a hidden earpiece on a celebrity and then sends them out somewhere in public where they do and say whatever she tells them, always with hilarious results.

This week, she had David Beckham meet up with a masseuse who did her best to work around his series of very strange requests...



"Did I feel a thumb?"

SO funny!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Miss Independent

If you have 1.4 million dollars, you can buy Kelly Clarkson's 4,900 sq.ft. home in Nashville....

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You could play a lot of Dodgeball in that attic.

via: Gawker

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Time is fleeting

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Well, tonight is the Halloween episode of Glee where they do The Rocky Horror Picture Show tribute. Meatloaf and Barry Bostwick (from the original movie) will also be guest-starring.

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It should be a lot of fun. Check out the behind-the-scenes clip below...



Ab-tastic indeed!

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Also, here is another bit of Glee holiday cheer....

The Fox hit is releasing a Christmas album featuring the cast (and k.d. lang!) singing covers of 12 holiday classics. The disc is set to drop on Nov. 16 — three weeks ahead of a special Glee Yuletide episode (airing on Dec. 7.)

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I bet the "Mr. Grinch" song will be directed at Sue Sylvester.

Delicious.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dancing with the Fembots

The movers finally came with my stuff on Friday and I spent the entire weekend unpacking. I also got my first eight hours of sleep last night since I left LA over a week ago.

Ahhh...nice.

I think my body's newly-rested state could best be described in a dance portrayed by a creepy female robot dancer from the Orient.



After watching that clip, I think there is a pretty good chance that I'll never sleep restfully again.

via: JoeMyGod

Friday, October 22, 2010

Really? REALLY?

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This was the visual response I had when the movers called me yesterday during the last moments remaining of their delivery window to tell me that they had some "trouble finding parking for their 18-Wheeler" and would have to bring my stuff by on Friday instead.

Ok...I didn't have Drew's exact reaction.

I'm not that dramatic.

But, I was wearing the same sweater and holding a large cordless phone.

*SIGH*

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Handle with care

The movers are supposed to bring my stuff by today.

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Let's hope it goes smoother than that delivery did.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Welcome to my home

While I wait for my stuff to arrive, I thought I would give you a little tour of my new digs. Come on in, won't you?

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As you enter the building through the foyer, this is what you see as you surprise me with pizza and vodka because you know how much I enjoy them and...you're a good friend.

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Once inside, I take the food and 750 ML beverage and begin eating and drinking immediately (because I don't cook and you're distracted by my new place). You look across the room and ask if the kitchen is back there...

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And I say (likely with my mouth full) that it is and that a dining room table will go under that lovely lamp (at which point I'll likely spit some morsel of pizza out and you, being a good friend, will pretend not to notice and quickly point out how big the space is and how nice the wood floors look).

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You then ask where the restroom is and I point the half-empty vodka bottle in my hand towards the entry on the left and then nod to indicate an immediate right once you get into the hallway as I finish another quick swig to help rinse the cheese out of my teeth.

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Being a good friend, you choose not to acknowledge hearing me trip and hit my head on the lamp in the dining room and, instead, take a peek inside the guest room...

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You then make your way down the hallway into the master bedroom...

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Once inside, you comment loudly on how big the closet is (hoping the cavernous sound of your voice covers up the slurred swearing coming from me in the dining room).

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You then head into the master bathroom...

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You shout out "Great shower!" and then politely laugh at my drunken joke about how it has a nook for the products that will soon be cleaning my "nooks".

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For a second, you wonder if you could quietly slip out of the bathroom window...

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But then you think you hear me stumbling your way and immediately ask to see the kitchen.

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Upon entering, you make light of the fact that I appear to be nodding off on the floor next to you and then comment on how compact, yet functional, the space is...

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And how rustic the cabinets look and then...you notice the back door.

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Being a good friend, you tell me you think you left something in your car for me and say you'll be "right back" and, noticing that I appear to be falling asleep on the pizza box, you carefully open the door and head quickly down the stairs.

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For a brief moment, you turn and wonder if you should go back in and check on me. But then you suddenly hear me loudly slurring the theme song to "Land of the Lost" and immediately look for a way out to the street. You run down the back parking area...

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And past the pool...

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And, finally, you make it to your car, lock the doors, and speed away.

However, you do text me once you get to your place (because a good friend would never text and drive) and tell me that there was an emergency at the hospital (knowing I still have no idea what you do for a living, so I'll likely assume you're a doctor when I wake up later that night), that you'll come by to watch Glee with me next week, and that you really liked my new place.

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You'll also choose not text me about Tom Bosley passing away because you know how much I loved Happy Days and that it'll only make me cry and, as you know, that's never a pretty sight for anyone involved AND that my new neighbors don't need to see that "charming" side of me just yet.

Why would you do all of this for me?

Well...it's obvious.

You're a good friend.

Well, that and the likelihood that I probably still have one of your DVDs and you just know it's gotta be in one of those damn boxes on the moving truck that should be here any day now.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Route 66

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When I decided to move to Atlanta, Georgia instead of Portland, Oregon, the thing I was dreading most (besides packing everything up and having it moved across the country) was the long 2,200 mile drive in my car.

Mainly because it's almost two and a half days on one endlessly rocky, mostly flat, dry, greenery-free road...Route 66 (aka I-40). The first two days consist of looking at lots of this:

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It's like you're driving on the surface of the moon with tumbleweeds and remnants of blown tires all around you (not to mention all the bugs who left their innards on my windshield for three straight days).

So, to break the monotony and keep yourself awake, you need to stop every few hours for snacks, beverages, gas, and bathroom breaks. It's during these times that you encounter some of the kooky charm (and people) of this historic roadway.

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It's like something out of Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

There are endless Route 66-branded diners, hotels, and memorabilia shops that feature eye-catching names and exterior visuals to encourage you to stop by and have an artery hardening meal or buy a personalized keychain.

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I wondered what Nicole Kidman and Marcia Cross did on the weekends.

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I'm glad the head-first/feet-out burial didn't catch on back then.

Although, it would have made shopping for new shoes much easier.

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Loves seems to be a popular chain of roadside facilities (market, gas, odd chotskies) that you'll find sprinkled along the long stretch of highway.

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This particular one not only had the usual, it also had a Chapel, TV room, and showers.

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I'm sure the wide variety of truckers (and their smell-compromised companions) appreciated the chance to hose off the stink and Cheetos dust after a few days of driving.

One particular Loves featured a huge antique car museum right next to the chapel.

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I wish I could have driven THAT car out of there and continued my drive in breezy style!

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After the first day of driving, the landscape begins to soften a bit and you start to see hints of grass (not green, but not dust either) and a tree or two.

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Look...the country's tallest cross.

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It's no Touchdown Jesus, but it was worth a snap (just not a stop).

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Although this looks like a fancy rehab facility for Ms. Lohan and her friends to visit between jail sentences, it's actually a really nice Rest Area in Texas.

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It sure beats copping-a-squat inside a weathered outhouse behind the barn.

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I think Abe Vigoda would agree.

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Thankfully, by the third day of driving, the landscape begins to change and trees and green grass start to reappear (who knew that Arkansas was so pretty?) and your drive starts to relax the mind and soothe the eyes.

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However, with the addition of trees and greenery, comes the unexpected, yet very real, danger of wild deer leaping out of the woods and in front of your car as you drive along the freeway at 75 miles per hour.

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I love me some Bambis, but many of them are huge and tend to dart out of the woods in packs without looking both ways before crossing the road. One walked right out in front of my car in the dead of night and just stopped and inspected something on the side of the road.

I missed it by THAT much.

Honestly, Ethel!

Thankfully, that ended well and, other than my fender-bender (my previous post), I made it to Atlanta in three days safe and sound without falling asleep at the wheel once.

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It's weird to think I'm actually going to be living here now after 28 years in Los Angeles. But, I'm looking forward to the change of scenery, lifestyle, and weather. So, lets hope that Atlanta is happy to see me too.

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Well, hello....Dali.

It looks like he should be saying "Madame, did you pull that cord?!"