Oh, the news

In the past few years, I've made a conscious effort to avoid most regular news outlets. Every local newscast is fraught with "Family cooked in microwave....footage at 11:00" and "Everything you eat can kill you....coming up at 11:00". I usually try to just check CNN online to get a quick glimpse of what is going on in the world, just in case I miss something substantial.

This is the list of "Latest News" links featured on the home page on CNN today:

Dead thrown into rivers; living wait for aid
Epic scale of disaster becomes clear
Nearly 100 arrested in university sting
Sect's 'Messiah' arrested on sex charges
Cheney's chief of staff subpoenaed
Spears' visitation with sons expanded
Massive manhunt for pedophile suspect
6-ft. silvery slide boils, fries, bakes

No wonder people are afraid to leave their homes and, when they do, they end up carrying weapons.

I just don't need to focus my energies on all of the negativity and horrors going on daily. Would it hurt them to try to put at least one positive news story for people to cling to for some glimmer of hope at least once in a while? Honestly, Ethel!

So, I tend to just focus on Entertainment and Travel information, if I need a news fix. Although, entertainment isn't always positive, at least it's usually focused on someone pretty or interesting.

I know that many people were watching "Oprah" on Friday and Monday because the crazy couch-jumper, Tom Cruise, was on. I didn't see either part, mainly because I don't like watching him on interview shows anymore. He tends to just smile his way through them, rarely says anything new and he always has this vacant look in his eyes...it's uncomfortable to watch. However, I saw this clip of his "number one fan" on the show and her reaction to just hearing his name cracks me up:



Plus, Oprah doing her show in a white bathrobe...what's up with that? She's got all the money..so can certainly afford a nice floral kaftan or two if she's gonna surprise suburban moms in their homes. I just like the hysterical reaction that the woman makes...it's like she's being shocked from behind.

Speaking of being shocked, this is still my favorite clip of Tom Cruise "shocking" Oprah on that infamous day:



Now THAT is what I think really goes on a lot in the world of Cruise....oh, the hilarity.

Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma.

Speaking of number one fans, it appears that Uma Thurman's crazy stalker was finally convicted this week in court.

She testified about a card Jordan delivered to her movie trailer in lower Manhattan's SoHo neighborhood. It bore a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. A spiral of random words referred to "chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing" and declared, "My hands should be on your body at all times."

The defendant explained the drawing this way:

"I felt I was walking on the razor's edge," Jordan said. "I felt that it reflected this relationship that I unfortunately imagined that we had. ... This cartoon was meant to amuse her, to endear me to her."

Yeah...I'm sure that Uma was so amused and endeared that she shuffled him right up to the top of her Christmas card list.

As John Gielgud once said to Liza Minnelli in the movie "Arthur"......"Good luck in prison."

And, speaking of prison....don't forget that this Sunday is Mother's Day. So, get those cards, flowers, and boxes of candy ready for yo' mommas.

She'll be glad you did.

Right on schedule

I had a feeling it was about time for this....

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced after five years of marriage.

I used to partially dismiss it (well, I knew there was a slight chance) when I heard the rumors that Tom had studio-arranged marriages.

Years ago, I heard that Nicole Kidman had a 10 year contract (which, oddly, turned out to be accurate) and then someone told me that Katie had a 5 year contract, which I thought was far too short (even if it was true) considering the "I Love Katie Tour" that Tom made across the couches of the world during that time.



But, sure enough...they are now divorcing right at five years.

Interesting.

And, once again (because it makes me laugh far too much), here is Tom Cruise on that infamous day...except this time, with lasers shooting out at Oprah.




The music and evil laugh slay me every time!

Merging on Cruise Control

Is there a pre-nup for something like this?

Tom Cruise is to merge his family with Victoria and David Beckham’s in a special ceremony.

The ‘Valkyrie’ actor will hold the bizarre service – during which the families vow to be brothers and sisters and exchange heartfelt speeches - at his wife Katie Holmes’ New York town house.

A source said: “Tom and David have been friends for years and they and their families spend a lot of time together. This year Tom wanted to make a special gesture that would show how much he appreciates their friendship and he thought this would be the perfect way.”

Tom, 46, is also building a replica of the LA Lakers’ Staples Centre basketball court in the Beckhams’ garden for the soccer ace and his sons Brooklyn, nine, Romeo, six, and Cruz, three.

If Tom is this excited about their "family merger" (and all that that implies), Katie better leave the plastic on all of the couch cushions in the house.

And, seriously, Tom's building a replica of the LA Lakers' Staples Center basketball court in the Beckhams garden?!

I hope they were careful when they relocated Victoria's body-snatchers pod (which was thriving out near the begonias).

Those things don't grow well in direct sunlight.

Mummy Issues

The final trailer for The Mummy was released today...



It looks like Tom Cruise will be doing a lot of running in this movie.

Said every Tom Cruise movie ever made.

The Mummy opens on June 9th.

Street Fighters

With summer just a few months away, it means that some of the big action movies are headed into theaters very soon. Here are two that I'm looking forward to seeing...

The first is Salt, with Angelina Jolie.

Say what you will about her personal life, but very few gals can kick-ass as hardcore as she does in a movie.



The second film is Knight and Day, with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.



Although he still creeps me out in interviews, I will say that, like Popcorn and Sour Patch Kids, Tom Cruise is best enjoyed in the theater doing what he does best...

Being crazy and driving captive women around the world to protect his identity.

If Katie Holmes had taken over the Cameron Diaz role, the movie would just have been a flashy travel documentary.

Peeping Tom

A tourist in Dubai caught this pic and video of Tom Cruise hanging outside of his window at the Burj Dubai (the tallest building in the world) as he prepared to film a scene from Mission Impossible: 4.



I have to hand it to him, it takes a lot of guts (and, for me, Vodka) to allow yourself to be dangled like a puppet from the top of a building that far off the ground.

I'd need to be wearing an entire box of Depends.

Here is another video of him just hanging up there waiting to shoot. Whoever filmed this really needs to figure out how to use their camera to shoot things horizontally.



If only Tom had been this calm/serene that day on Oprah...

Guy-liner

Tom Cruise appears as his Rock of Ages persona on the cover of W Magazine.

He should watch out.

That girl on the left is reaching for his....gun.

Mummie Dearest

The first teaser trailer for the upcoming movie, The Mummy, was released today...



Well...not much to see in this short trailer, other than Tom Cruise has "seen her" and she appears to have a vision issue.

Guess we'll get a better idea what actually goes on when the full trailer is released on Sunday (if not earlier).

UPDATE: Here is the full trailer:



Interesting....

The movie opens on June 7th.

Happy Halloween!

Well, it's that time of year again. So, I thought I'd post a few Halloweeny pics that I took while I was home in Ohio to help put you in the mood.

I hope you all have a fun weekend and don't forget to set your clocks back an hour on Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Everyone enjoys an extra hour of sleep, right?















And, of course...my favorite scare of the past decade....

Tom Cruise electrocuting Oprah.



Oh...it makes me laugh!

Buzz Kill

The madness that ensued when Oprah gave away those cars on her show continues to be a fine source of comedy to this day. I think my favorite example, by far, is this video that shows what would happen if she gave away something just a little bit different...



Hilarious!

And, of course, that reminds me of my other favorite Oprah parody, entitled "Tom Cruise Kills Oprah".



I never stops slaying me.

Never.

Slumber Party

Kathy Griffin spends some time in bed with Joan Rivers...just chatting.

Among their topics...Bruce Jenner, Mandy Moore, Oprah, Tom Cruise, and granny panties.

And, it's very entertaining as you'd expect.



I enjoy them.

Rock on

Check out the new trailer for Rock of Ages, starring Tom Cruise as a head-banger from the 80's....



I hear the play is fun, but the trailer really isn't "wowing" me.

But, the soundtrack should be cool.

Trailer Madness

A lot of new TV and movie trailers were released during the Super Bowl yesterday. In case you missed any of them....enjoy.

First there is Solo: A Star Wars Story.



I'm not feeling the lead actor, but maybe he'll be better in the full movie. The effects look good, though.

Next, Avengers: Infinity War.



I'm really looking forward to this!

Next, Westworld: Season 2.



The first season was awesome, so can't wait until this one starts up.

Next, Mission Impossible: Fallout.



Gee...I hope Tom Cruise runs and jumps a lot in this one.  It'll still probably be good anyway.

Next, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom



Dinosaurs in your bedroom? Uhhh...no thanks. But, looks great!

Next, Skyscraper.



I wonder if Dwayne Johnson will save the day by the end of the movie?

Finally, The Cloverfield Paradox.



I really liked the last two Cloverfield movies and am surprised that, rather than release this one in theaters...they opted to take it directly to Netflix and made it available last night right after the Super Bowl. We'll see if there was a good reason for that...makes me nervous.

Going Rogue

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, the fifth in the franchise, released a new trailer today...



It pretty much looks like all the others...stuff happens, chaotic car and motorcycle chases ensue, Tom Cruise grimaces and runs really fast, and things blow up and time almost runs out.

So, it'll probably make millions.

The film opens July 31st.