Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Oh, the news


In the past few years, I've made a conscious effort to avoid most regular news outlets. Every local newscast is fraught with "Family cooked in microwave....footage at 11:00" and "Everything you eat can kill you....coming up at 11:00". I usually try to just check CNN online to get a quick glimpse of what is going on in the world, just in case I miss something substantial.

This is the list of "Latest News" links featured on the home page on CNN today:

Dead thrown into rivers; living wait for aid
Epic scale of disaster becomes clear
Nearly 100 arrested in university sting
Sect's 'Messiah' arrested on sex charges
Cheney's chief of staff subpoenaed
Spears' visitation with sons expanded
Massive manhunt for pedophile suspect
6-ft. silvery slide boils, fries, bakes

No wonder people are afraid to leave their homes and, when they do, they end up carrying weapons.

I just don't need to focus my energies on all of the negativity and horrors going on daily. Would it hurt them to try to put at least one positive news story for people to cling to for some glimmer of hope at least once in a while? Honestly, Ethel!

So, I tend to just focus on Entertainment and Travel information, if I need a news fix. Although, entertainment isn't always positive, at least it's usually focused on someone pretty or interesting.

I know that many people were watching "Oprah" on Friday and Monday because the crazy couch-jumper, Tom Cruise, was on. I didn't see either part, mainly because I don't like watching him on interview shows anymore. He tends to just smile his way through them, rarely says anything new and he always has this vacant look in his eyes...it's uncomfortable to watch. However, I saw this clip of his "number one fan" on the show and her reaction to just hearing his name cracks me up:

Plus, Oprah doing her show in a white bathrobe...what's up with that? She's got all the money..so can certainly afford a nice floral kaftan or two if she's gonna surprise suburban moms in their homes. I just like the hysterical reaction that the woman makes...it's like she's being shocked from behind.

Speaking of being shocked, this is still my favorite clip of Tom Cruise "shocking" Oprah on that infamous day:

Now THAT is what I think really goes on a lot in the world of Cruise....oh, the hilarity.

Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma.

Speaking of number one fans, it appears that Uma Thurman's crazy stalker was finally convicted this week in court.

She testified about a card Jordan delivered to her movie trailer in lower Manhattan's SoHo neighborhood. It bore a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. A spiral of random words referred to "chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing" and declared, "My hands should be on your body at all times."

The defendant explained the drawing this way:

"I felt I was walking on the razor's edge," Jordan said. "I felt that it reflected this relationship that I unfortunately imagined that we had. ... This cartoon was meant to amuse her, to endear me to her."

Yeah...I'm sure that Uma was so amused and endeared that she shuffled him right up to the top of her Christmas card list.

As John Gielgud once said to Liza Minnelli in the movie "Arthur"......"Good luck in prison."

And, speaking of prison....don't forget that this Sunday is Mother's Day. So, get those cards, flowers, and boxes of candy ready for yo' mommas.

She'll be glad you did.



Miss Shirl said...

I agree the news isn't that great I don't watch it. Love oprah though.

Sissy said...

Oh you just have to have fun with it! For that, I suggest http://www.fark.com/ where readers submit their favorite news articles, and write their own headlines. Hilarious!

Vampire Hours said...

Yeah...I prefer more humor-based news and, of course, a little Oprah goes a long way (when the show is good). Plus, I have my TV shows, so that always makes a difference.