Monday, March 3, 2008

The Creeks

This was one of those unexpected nights that, at the beginning, should have been nothing special. But, that is the thing with will surprise you sometimes.

It was almost 11:00 and I was hedging whether I should go out or stay in. I figured that I would just go out for a little bit and see if there was anyone out on a Monday night. I went to the regular bars along the street, all with their own distinct "aroma" smelled like vomit, another smelled like sweat and a hint of vomit and another just smelled like "ugly". So, I went to the only other bar without a negative smell and hung out for a drink.


I went out to the patio and met a couple of guys from the area and we got to chatting. Then a tall guy came in to the bar with a seeing-eye dog (I know, it sounds like the set-up to a joke...) and stood right beside us talking to someone else. His dog was calm as could be and, once the guy got into his conversation...just lay down at his feet and put his little furry chin on the guys foot and went to sleep. It was just one of those dog moments where you almost wanted to was almost too perfect and pure.

THEN...."Nana" came into the bar (Yes...we named her).


This woman was 66 years old (and reminded us about it throughout the night. Kind of like Sally O'Malley, although she didn't do any kicking or stretching) and had the mouth of a fleet of sailors. She walked up to everyone and would shake her finger and say "F YOU" (but she used no abbreviations) or "F OFF", occasionally tossing out the "C word" for good measure. Then she'd twist her hair and say she was cute (after reminding everyone that she was, in fact, 66). Of course, everyone else was "F You-ing" her back, but befriending her a few minutes later. It was HILARIOUS! Every time a new person would walk past her, she'd fling an "F YOU" their way, they'd "F You" back and then she'd say she was cute...and someone would buy her a drink (she hasn't been without one since Lincoln was president).


Then, I met young guy and gal, who I will only refer to as, "The Creeks". I'll explain in a minute where that came from. They are cousins/best friends and were out on the patio with the rest of us watching, swearing at, and drinking with Nana (a new series on "Lifetime" television..."Drinking with F'ing Nana"). We hung out and traded "F You's" with Nana until they kicked us all out of the bar at....5:00 am. that light coming from the sky? So, after watching a drunken englishman escort Nana safely away, the Creeks asked me if I'd like a ride back to my hotel and I said sure. So, we drove by the area where my hotel was, but missed a turn. Then, "Mr. Creek" decided that we should all go to Bondi Beach...right then. I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. He was headed away from my hotel and towards the beach and I was, for a moment, wondering if Joel (my roommate in LA) would remember to hide my porn and water the plants on his own after they found my body.

So, of course, I started joking about being kidnapped and Mrs. C said "It's kinda like that movie "Wolf Creek" (one of those horrible torture movies) and that is when I started calling them Mr. and Mrs. Creek or "The Creeks". Thankfully, she said she hated that I didn't feel like I needed to scream, hurl myself out the door or poop in their car (which I threatened to do several times as we headed to the beach, cause I'm juvenile that way). So...we get to the beach in time to see the sun rising.

It was beautiful.


The beach area was really pretty, so we took a couple pictures, hung out a few minutes and then hopped back into the Creek-mobile for the journey back. This time, they actually drove me right to my hotel, said their goodbyes and headed off into the night....morning.

So, I got to see the sun rise in Sydney only because I was "kidnapped" by The Creeks (like I'm gonna ever get up that early on my own).

It was a great night and I think "Nana" would be giving us all a big "F YOU!" and smiling now...if she still had her teeth in.


Mark Ward said...

Is this story real? The picture of you against the sunset looks strikingly similar to the backdrops used at the Sears Portrait Studio. Are you even in Australia? Are you really just hanging out at a mall in the valley? Is nana an out of work actress from central casting? Hmmmmm. I wondered why you would go all the way down under to eat at Subway. Now, it is all beginning to make sense.

Vampire Hours said...

I know...isn't the effect weird around me? I think he slightly moved or something while taking the picture and it created that odd black border around part of me...I don't know.

If I was really at the Sears Portrait Studio, I would have used the fake fall backdrop, with the white fence and pumpkins around it. That was always my favorite....

Sissy said...

Again with the pooping!

Lordy Kenderson....MUST you?!

Lo said...

You seriously need to enlarge the photo of the sunset (not the one with you in it - you're in the way)...very beautiful!

Vampire Hours said...

LOL...I figured that, as far as the pooping in their car, they should at least be aware of my options should they eventually not drop me off at home. And Lauren, I'll enlarge the picture and photoshop me out of it...I think the other people taking pictures that morning probably will be doing the same thing. =)

Unknown said...

Whoops...I kept reading that as "The Cheeks," which I felt didn't really need an explanation. Oh...The Creeks...I like mine better.